Monday, 16 May 2011

Burger and Damnation!

Well, it's been a while. That's not to say that I haven't been cooking, or indeed eating. If that were the case, I would be dead, which I'd imagine would complicate matters slightly. The simple fact of the matter is that my life has recently become a tragic combination of not really cooking anything very exciting, and actually quite busy - or, rather, valuing my decision to watch my way through the entire Disney oeuvre over my decision to inform people about my quite frankly embarrassing eating habits. Nonetheless, I have bitten the bullet, and also the burger of (relative) culinary success, and feel the need to regale you once again with Kitchen Chat.

For those of you not in Cambridge or unable to feel heat, it has been HOT. Moved by a desperate yearning for a barbecue, whilst tragically inhibited by my crippling fear of fire, college regulations and my lack of a barbecue, we (that is, myself, Emma Of The Butternut Squash, Chilli Katherine and Jacob Who Can Actually Cook Which Is Why He Isn't On Here Very Often) decided to make some burgers. The first problem - Emma is a vegetarian, and I'm not allowed to cook meat in case I give myself some kind of hideous food poisoning thing, so we decided to make our own Quorn burgers. Emma pointed out that it would have been cheaper just to buy Quorn burgers from the shop, ready-made, but THAT'S BORING, and also, they taste like hockey pucks.

It's actually surprisingly easy to make burgers, as I learned. All you need to do is put the mince in a bowl and mix it with egg and a little flour. You have to use your hands to shape the burger, which is kind of disgusting, as this picture bears adequate testimony.

Ugh. Anyway, upon Jacob's advice (did I mention that he KNOWS about cooking? The freak), we also put some herbs and stuff in the burger mix. Because he is fancy, Jacob then made a marinade for the burgers which we were going to cook later, which basically involved putting loads of herbs in a mug half-filled with olive oil, then pouring it over the burgers.

For some reason, we then all decided that it would be a BRILLIANT idea to go to my room and start drinking at half-three in the afternoon. A bottle of Basics vodka may have been consumed. Someone may have drunk said vodka out of half an easter egg. I cannot possibly comment. Anyway, a few hours later, we remembered the burgers and cooked them (well, Jacob did, I was...well, I can't remember what I was doing, but I'm sure it was significant). They were surprisingly good!

Jacob, James and Stephen standing in the fabled Upper G-Staircase Kitchen, a place where dreams are made.

It emerges that I didn't actually take a picture of the finished product, choosing instead to favour blurry 'action shots' of the cooking process, and lots of pictures of my left hand, but take it from me, those burgers were gooooooood.

Tastiness - 9/10 - These were really amazingly tasty. Plus, I had one a few days later which I reheated in the microwave, and it was amazingly tasty and good.
Likeliness to set off a fire alarm -8/10 - It's a good thing I didn't cook these, really. There was FRYING. Don't drink and fry, kids.
Likeliness to cause a fatal coronary, 20 years down the line - 7/10 - Hmmm. I don't think these were -that - unhealthy, although the frying didn't help. I'm just thinking of the vodka....


  1. I did not make curry. I made chili. You probably got confused because Emma made a curry with her squash; and as we all know, Emma and I are one.

  2. Oh, LA. Sorry. I'm bored. I can go back and correct it for you if you want?

  3. I'm going to put it simply: I love your blog.

  4. Shhh. Vodka's good for you and stuff. I mean, it's an anaesthetic and a sterilizer - what can be bad about it? It's practically made of hospital.

    Best Wishes,
    [Guess Who]

  5. Anonymous 1: Thank you!

    Anonymous two: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Yes, it is made of hospital, much like my burgers were made of win.

  6. Why don't you ever update this anymore?

    1. I learned how to cook quite well, so it stopped being funny.