'What's the surprise?' I hear you ask. Well, it's simple. The surprise is that this is fuckloads of pasta in a bowl. Actually, I'm being a bit unfair in putting this first, because this is basically the extent of my culinary prowess. I put some tortellini in a pan for a bit, poked it with a fork, then put loads of cheese on top. For those of you who are interested, it's pesto and goats cheese tortellini, topped with Red Leicester cheese, mozzarella and parmesan. That makes it sound a lot more appetising than it actually was, if I'm honest.
Tastiness - 7/10
Likeliness to set off a fire alarm - 3/10 (even I can boil water)
Likeliness to cause a fatal coronary, 20 years down the line - 6/10