I think I must be sadistic. Every Sunday, despite the fact that I know that I can't cook, I invite people over to come and eat some food with me. Every week, I serve up some hideous dish and watch people grimace their way through it. Perhaps I just know particularly masochistic people. Today it was Sticky Quorn and Noodles. This was initially going to be a stir-fry, but since the fire alarm fiasco, Emma and I have been cautious about using the frying pan (the frying pan you can see behind her in the first picture sat on the worktop for a bit then got shoved back into the cupboard). So, I used Quorn and put a sauce on and microwaved it. I'm not a vegetarian, but I like Quorn. There's less chance of contracting some hideous disease from eating undercooked food, for one thing. Also, I like pretending to be a vegetarian. I feel somehow that I can get all the health benefits, and yet still eat meat. Verily, I have, as Hannah Montana so poignantly observed, the best of both worlds.
I should mention that I didn't make the sauce. My friend James, who can actually cook and stuff, made it for me on Friday, and I jammed it in the fridge (we had pizza last night, which I didn't think was worth documenting). Yet, when I opened the fridge this evening, I only had a tiny bit left. MOST EGREGIOUS. Either I have magical evaporating stir-fry sauce, or some BEAST has whipped it. Stir-fry stealer, I hope you're feeling guilty. I like to think that the awful concept of theft is what has upset Emma so greatly in the first picture, but I think it's just the prospect of eating some more of my cooking, poor wretch. Anyway, so I put sauce on the Quorn, microwaved it, and overcooked some noodles. The result was actually surprisingly tasty. A definite improvement.
Tastiness - 8/10
Likeliness to set off a fire alarm - 4/10 (there was an alarming moment with the steam on the noodles, and their nearly boiling over, but an otherwise impressive effort, I feel).
Likeliness to cause a fatal coronary, 20 years down the line - 5/10 (It's Quorn, innit. I'm sure that's healthy. The half-bottle of soy sauce and the prawn crackers I added...maybe not so much).